too bad you live with your parents still
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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