dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
