can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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