I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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