i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
