i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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