i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
