She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
