The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
