After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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