Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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