I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
