im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
