update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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