lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
