wanna go halves on a baby?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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