Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
