Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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