i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
