home. puking in laundry basket.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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