Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
