hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
