So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
