I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
