guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just high enough for therapy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
