Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You can't just leave with hair like that
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
