whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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