You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
