Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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