If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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