No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
