sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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