i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
