He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
