I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
