wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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