i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
