Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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