dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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