im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
