The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
