No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
