And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
