two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
