i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
