how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
