Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
