We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
