new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
