Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
