My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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