She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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